Equality, diversity, inclusion
Diversity Exhibition
Content Warning/Trigger Alert
This exhibition was created in 2015/16. Some names have been changed to provide anonymity.
Some of the stories contain difficult and emotive subjects. If you need support there are many organisations that you can contact for example: The Womens Centre Cornwall, Clear Cornwall, Penhaligans Friends Cornwall or Cruse UK, BiPolar UK, We Are With You – Addiction support.
Emma's story
Domestic Violence
Emma realised that she had been the subject of Domestic Violence after the fact. She thought that the behaviour she had been experiencing was “normal”. Also it is unbelievable how many people have these “skeletons”.
She admits that there were early signs of possessiveness with her partner but struggled to accept what was happening.
Matters came to a head when they took a “holiday of a lifetime trip” and away from family and friends everything suddenly changed.
Emma was imprisoned in their room most of the time and her mobile telephone had been deliberately smashed.
When she tried to tell the representatives of the travel company they basically suggested a nice romantic candle lit dinner would sort things out.
She says she “played nice” until there was an organised trip and she went on it, hid and then called her mother in England. Her Mum told her to be brave - this was something she could do and she must go back to the hotel - tell them the truth and ask for help to get a separate flight back as soon as possible
This time the staff did take her seriously and moved her away from her perpetrator, kept in frequent contact with her and made some funds available until she was able to leave. Her mother wired some money to her and, as she genuinely feared for her life, she left and caught a flight back to Cornwall using the money.
at the end of the planned holiday the perpetrator came home and she immediately served a PIN (police information notice) on him as she had been told by the police his behaviour amounted to harassment. He was arrested and kept in a police cell for nine hours during which time he admitted the harassment.
Emma wishes that more information is available in schools about what is a healthy relationship.
She intends to write a book about her experiences to raise awareness in the near future.
Tracy's story
Abuse and Domestic Violence
Aged 7 Tracy's father was abusing her and was to move on to her younger sister in due course. He was adept at covering his tracks and could always conjure up a reason for his behaviour if caught “we were just playing” “see, they are both laughing” - the girls “laughed” because they didn’t know what else to do at that age! But Tracy remembers feeling very uncomfortable about the situation and their father was very controlling - until they both told their friends, they were not aware how wrong things were in their lives. She is sure her mother was aware however, as they both asked very “adult” questions at this very young age.
She can recall when she was in her teens a huge public fight occurred between her Father and her (and her sister the friends that they had confided in), Emotions ran very high! Tracy broke her fathers nose and her sister broke a bone in his foot.
Later their father remarried and their new Step Mum had a child with him and did not want to believe what they told her.
Tracy described her father as “a raging alcoholic” her sister had also unfortunately gone down the route of drugs and alcohol dependency. Some of the relationships that she has been in have been abusive (as if she sought out partners who would replicate the behaviour she had grown up with).
Her sister has also experienced controlling and abusive relationships in her adult life
Although Tracy desperately wanted to support her sister she had to find room in her life to put herself first, to begin the healing process..
Tracy says that these experiences have brought the women in the family together BUT the men resolutely “buried their heads”.
She found “her saviour” when she was in the Waves group which specialises in supporting individuals who have suffered domestic abuse via the organisation known as Twelves Company who support domestic abuse cases in court.
The photograph pictures Tracy herself looking to her future, she has a new partner and regularly volunteers for the Waves project now also.
Claire's story
Neurodiversity - Autism
Claire is a mum to three boys called Liam, Kieran and Owyn, they all have different levels of Autism and Owyn is an Elective mute.
It took until Liam was 9 years old to get his diagnosis of CMT (Charcot-Marie-Tooth Disease - this is a group of inherited conditions that damage the peripheral nerves.) He was diagnosed at the age of two and a half, in most cases children are not assessed for Autism until they are six and over.
There were added challenges when Kieran was born as having two children with “difficulties” it was suggested to her that she had “Munchausens by proxy” (a form of child abuse that involves the exaggeration or fabrication of illnesses).
Having a third child with difficulties meant it was even more of a struggle to get recognition.
Autism can mean that body language, visual clues and nuances that we take for granted cannot be interpreted properly. Often an expression like “it’s raining cats and dogs” is taken literally.
When Claire's children walk backwards into a shop (supermarket) people tend to think that they are disruptive and badly behaved - the fact is that they cannot stand the bright lights!
Claire had formed a support group in Coventry (where she previously lived) so when she moved to Cornwall her sons asked her to start the group again down here. It means that experiences can be shared between parents, also the children are socialising through craftwork without even realising it!
Claire wanted the group to be sustainable, she applied for, and got, a years guidance and tuition through the Cornwall School for Social Entrepreneurs. Also designing t-shirts with Autism messages on them.
This journey has not been easy for Claire as whilst she has achieved so much, the challenges before her has meant that she has also suffered from panic attacks and at times been suicidal.
The group continues to grow and future aims are, to have a sensory room and sensory garden, also treatment areas and a hairdresser who comes to the group and is aware of the behaviour she will encounter.
The photograph is of the three boys, with Claire and her husband and she chose it because without her boys she says, quite simply she would not be the person that she is today.
Debbie’s story - Mental health -
BiPolar (Manic Depression)
Debbie was aware of her anxiety issues from the ages of 13 to 17 She had been prescribed antidepressants but whilst on these became hyperactive. In retrospect she acknowledges that the doctor should have realised this is actually one indicator of bipolar disorder.
The situation for Debbie was that she always felt “up” (as in upbeat) happy, able to deal with things quickly and with the need for little sleep, e.g. cleaning the house from top to bottom every day before breakfast time. But as she said, “who goes to the doctor when they are up?” She found she was more “daring” when high and some of her family would mistake this for excitement. It took an ultimatum from her husband to persuade her to seek medical help - if she didn’t, he said, she would lose “him and the kids”.
Medication for the disorder can have significant side effects so mindfulness, meditation, dietary awareness, all help Debbie to use medication on an “as and when necessary” basis.
Sometimes joining a group with similar issues helps, but although she tried this Debbie felt more positive outside of that environment than within it.
Her children understand that “Mummy has a poorly head” and Debbie knows she has a responsibility to look after herself - she finds that not having a TV helps her because in her opinion it does not often have uplifting content.
Revealing her diagnosis to the world was a decision she took to help to raise awareness and to raise funds for Bipolar UK. This was in the form of a sponsored bike ride and many, many people asked her why - as they had no idea that she had the disorder. There was also mention of the event in local papers which meant that people from outside of the family and complete strangers would read her story too. As she says “I have it but I am not it!”
In being part of this project Debbie hope to achieve more of the same awareness and understanding of her disorder - she admits it is always there in the background and she doesn’t know when it will affect her again.
She chose the photograph of cobweb because where the cobweb is, we know there has been a spider but at the moment it was taken, the spider too too was somewhere in the background waiting.......
HELEN
Bereavement
Helen lived with her partner Paul and in 2005 the couple were joined by a much loved daughter Sophie.
Paul had started to become ill with various symptoms, after seeing his GP he was referred to both Derriford and Treliske hospitals and further afield to London all within 2005 and 2006. Paul was diagnosed with a very rare illness.
Paul was prescribed treatment via tablets and spent four years travelling up and down to London being constantly monitored. His health deteriorated and they hoped for a lung transplant - at no time was it considered that he had an unresolvable illness by Helen or Paul.
It came as a shock that after Paul was admitted to hospital for treatment in 2010, Helen received a call asking her to urgently attend the hospital as Paul was gravely ill, he passed away within hours.
Helen became a single parent.
After the customary events following a death Helen set about rebuilding life for her and Sophie without Paul but keeping his memory very much alive - she was determined that for Sophie life would go on.
Firstly the 5 year old needed to understand that hospitals were not bad places, that Paul should be always in their conversations. When they visit his grave, they are “going to see Daddy”.
For the world cup in 2014 the grave was festooned with flags for Pauls team and Sophie said that “Daddy would be wearing his shirt”
Some holidays are areas they revisit which helps to prompt happy memories for both Helen and Sophie. Helen recalls that some people started to ignore, or avoid, her simply because they didn’t know what to say to her about Paul's death.
She believes she is more receptive to others now and not afraid to accept support or help when offered.
The future? Helen says that her “cussed awkward determination” will help to see her through this devastating and unexpected loss.
The photograph shows that there are many big steps forward needed first, but the further along the journey you went the smaller the steps would be for both of them.
Sexuality
CLARE & GLAYNE
Clare and Glayne have know each other for over 20 years, when they first met Glayne lived with her then boyfriend, but says there was always something at the back of her mind, she wasn’t sure what!
When they both met they began a really intense friendship, they describe it as “all consuming” and they talked about everything except the “love thing”.
When they did start their relationship it was very exciting as they were keeping it all to themselves (so they thought) even when they moved in together they both made a big fuss to the people helping them with boxes etc about “whose room” things went into - they thought they were very convincing!
It was about two years later that they finally “came out” to both families and their friends, no one seemed very surprised.
During the 90’s they decided to marry and the only option then open to them was to go through a Humanist ceremony. The celebration was like any wedding would be with family and friends, with speeches etc.
Once established and “out” they saw no reason to make a big deal of the situation, most people accepted them and they didn’t fit any stereotypes. Also they do not feel defined by their sexuality, it is one element of their lives.
For practical and legal reasons the two opted to go through a civil ceremony seven years after the Humanist marriage, again there was a small celebration but they had no wish to replicate the first ceremony as it was so meaningful.
They both maintain individual friends
So twenty years down the line they explain that as with most couples they both work, Glayne at director level in an architects office and Clare runs her own decorating business.
Their top tip for a relationship - if you can get bored together you probably have a future!
Coming up to date in 2015, many laws have changed as have societal pressures, compared to the situation that Clare and Glayne started out from.
Basically the message from these two is, if you find you are questioning your sexuality don’t be afraid to talk to family and friends as most accept the situation with “open arms” and many will probably have had some idea before you say anything.
Clare and Glayne opted for a photograph that they were in, walking their beloved dog near their home.
Adam's story
Sexuality
Adam, 40, thought that when he was growing up “people were dinosaurs” when it came to understanding about LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Transexual).
He never really looked at the girls and at about the age of thirteen he had put two and two together.
Whilst he wasn’t frightened he was well aware that there was little tolerance in his world for “his sort”.
For his parents sake Adam made sure he was seen to go out with girls, at the same time asking himself “what’s wrong” - this was a reflection of the wider society he believes. He really didn’t want to conform.
In one of his jobs Adam met Philip who was married with children but was gay. Adam, here, found someone with whom he could talk openly which was a great comfort to him.
Finally Adam ended up working for a public service organisation and noted that at the time the subject of “diversity” was concentrating on racial issues so Sexuality was very badly represented.
He realised that his sexuality did not define him anyway - it was just a part of him.
He says “Coming Out” is much harder in your head than the reality - he has never said the words “I am gay”,
His sister said to him one day “haven't you got something to tell me?” which made it easier for him - his one regret is not having told his mum, before she died.
Adam is glad that to be young and gay now, is not such an issue.
He recognises that his experiences have helped to shape his life which he is very happy with - in fact, when asked if he has ever wanted to be anything other than he is now he gave an emphatic NO!
SARAH - JAYNE
Historic Sexual Abuse
Sarah-Jane is 48, she was about 8 years old when an older male relative raped her. She knows that this happened more than once but the exact details have been suppressed in her memory.
Her life from the age of 8 was a mixture of negative feelings such as self disgust, shame and fears of being unable to trust.
These feelings never went away, they were cemented into her life. Sarah-Janesays that almost all of her childhood is blocked from her memory, because there was no protection from the abuse many feelings were buried.
The male relative moved away in her early teens yet the negative feelings were totally entrenched and her shame and disgust remained with her into her mid forties.
At 47 she approached WRSAC (Women's Rape and Sexual Abuse Centre) to see if she could talk through her situation with an appropriately trained counsellor, she felt her feelings were “holding her back”.
She feels that although painful at first, this was an utterly worthwhile move and is now building her future around honesty and self-belief.
Also that for almost 40 years she could have been living a happier life, without internal turmoil and secrecy.
Sarah-Jane is a high achiever and rose to director level in the company where she works. However, with all of the unresolved feelings she experienced her personal life suffered - she felt unable to sustain any long term relationships and she had relied on alcohol to numb the feelings.
She is aware that nationally there seem to have been never-ending stories about high profile individuals being convicted of horrendous abuse, Sarah-Jane wants her story told to highlight the occurrence in “everyday families” and for those who read her story, to know that there is a choice that they can make and non-judgemental organisations that can support them, beginning the journey to openness and self-acceptance.
Rowan’s story
Paganism
Rowan grew up in a non-religious household that still went to church every Sunday. She was in her twenties when she questioned Christianity, a woman's equal place in the world, feeling she needed to find an “other”, she felt an emptiness inside that needed to be filled.
A friend invited her to a meditation evening which she describes as a phenomenal experience. it was here that she saw a vision of “Herne the Hunter” who appears as a man’s body with a deers head and he spoke to her “grow your horns little one”.
This experience aroused Rowan’s curiosity and she began to find out about Paganism.
She discovered that being a Pagan meant that there would be no hierarchy, women and men were of equal standing - there was no book of rules, this was important to her.
There are many forms of Paganism, some have no connection to Celtic mythology, but as Rowan lives in a Celtic place she chooses to focus on those particular symbols.
The seasons have meaning and there is a wheel of life .You live in balance with the wheel of life and the changing of the seasons, this also fits well with the changes of UK seasons.
There are twelve “magical trees” e.g. holly, oak, rowan and ash, these are symbolic for things such as energy and they rule at different times of the year.
Rowan says that she lives and breathes Paganism every day, that “I am it and it is me”
it gives her “solid ground” something that is there and it is “my being” not “my doing”.
The benefit of her belief is that it gives her a solid foundation. She feels that the media “pummels” us all with information every day much of which we are helpless to change and so her belief helps her to feel strengthened against this negativity.
Everything is a manifestation of “the beloved” Rowan’s name for whatever it is that encompasses everything.
She is a “hedge witch” and she says she chooses her practice carefully and would not interfere in anything unless it was specifically asked for, for the benefit of someone. It is important to her to reclaim the status of witch from the popular caricature of a broomstick and a black hat.
The Creed (book of words) says “do as you will and harm no-one” and that there is a three fold return on positive or negative aspects, therefore if you give out a positive you will receive three times as much positivity back and likewise with negativity.
Danny's story
Addiction
Danny grew up in an addictive and violent household.
He dabbled in solvent abuse, Marijuana, LSD and Ecstasy
Danny felt marginalised at school because of his parents behaviour. When he left school to “make his way in life” he began to deal drugs, but was still living at home.
Danny felt that out of respect for his Mother he could not stay there anymore.
He dealt Crack cocaine
Following treatment for a serious back injury Danny became heroin dependent.
Between the ages of 20 to 28 his life is a complete blur.
He slept on the street which he found dangerous and his few possessions were likely to be stolen.
He found an abandoned car - it was warm, he could store his belongings there in the boot, he described it as “beautiful”. After two months and finally feeling some security in his life, he walked back one night to find the car had been towed away - along with his few possessions, and food - everything.
He was helped out at a drop-in centre.
Danny describes this as a massive shock and a really low point in his life.
Danny slept in a paper recycling container just 500 yards from his mothers home yet in his words “it was a million miles away” - he was dry and warm though.
One Sunday morning as weekend recyclers brought their papers he found that he was almost “drowning” in the amount of paper being posted through the slots - he jumped out and to cover his embarrassment said, “good morning” to the people outside and walked away.
He shoplifted for a while - using several different disguises - he felt what he was doing was ok because he sold a lot of the stuff onto Old Age Pensioners at a “knocked down” price. They were unaware of the goods being stolen.
Eventually Danny was sentenced to serve a sentence in HMP Nottingham. Ironically he was furious and felt violated! He appealed his sentence and was, surprisingly to him, successful - he was back on the street and chose rehab for the first time.
But this first rehab set out to break the individuals spirit “broke you down to build you back up” and filled you with fear.
Danny relapsed back into active addiction
At 32 he was told that abstinence (stopping drug taking and drinking completely) was the only solution for him, he was asked where he would choose to go to rehabilitate (his first answer was the Caribbean!!) but, he remembered, as a child, happy memories of Cornwall - a sense of belonging and being connected.
He was assessed and got a place at a farm at Marazion.
Danny has been “clean” for nine years
He studied Psychology and Sociology and then went on to Falmouth University and successfully completed a degree in Film and Media.
Danny has emphasised that his addiction was not a moral deficiency as he had no control over it.
We chose the photograph of the clock face because, it has twelve points on it and there are 12 stages to recovery in Alcoholics & Narcotics Anonymous. The time, (an estimated 8 years) Danny has lost is also highly significant.
Tyler's story
Disability
Some of Tyler's first memories are of motorbikes, from being in the company of his Maternal Grandfather.
Grandad told him about the journeys he and his family had made to Cornwall on their motorbikes for holidays - he made it sound so very romantic and Tyler picked up the sense of an adrenaline “rush”.
Tyler had a Saturday job, he owned a pushbike but he knew something with an engine would be better!
His Great Uncle bought a motorbike for himself from Plymouth, it was delivered to him (because he could no longer ride!) and it was in pride of place in his lounge at home. Whenever Tyler visited he sat on it.
Eventually he gave it to Tyler, who rode it and traded it on - and began the habit of trading -in models and improving the style and engine size of his bike over the next few years.
Tyler had been riding for six years in 1983 when he was involved in an absolutely “freak” accident. He was blown under a milk tanker sustaining very serious injuries - compound fractures to the tibia and fibula of his left leg.
In hospital he felt awful and noticed that his leg was very infected and smelt foul. The doctors told him they needed to amputate his leg above the knee.
The operation was anything but straightforward, Tyler was told later that his heart stopped beating and then the defibrillator in the operating theatre didn’t work!
A nurse ran to the next theatre - they were using their defibrillator , so she ran back to tell her surgeon this and they felt “perhaps it would be better to just let him go”.
Spontaneously Tyler’s heart restarted and all proceeded as planned.
While Tyler was recovering he told one of the nurses he had had a very strange “vision” whilst under the anesthetic - a bowl shaped meadow with thin leafless trees and a grey wolf that started towards him and stared, then decided to walk away instead.
Now moving speedily forward to the present day, Tyler has worked for many years at Cornwall Council.
He has a prosthetic leg and a motorised wheel chair.
He is a highly competent trainer and in some of his spare time he loves playing computer games….why? Because in these games he “can run and jump just like anyone else”.
And what happened about his love of biking? Well, he owns and rides one of the biggest production models of motorbike in the world!
Tyler’s photo is of him on his current bike which he regularly rides when he is out and about with his wife Ann, who also has a bike.